Worry Prone

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.”
–Mitch Hedberg

invidious \in-VID-ee-uhs\, adjective:
1. Tending to provoke envy, resentment, or ill will.
2. Containing or implying a slight.
3. Envious.

Just before washing the dishes this morning, I thought that I should just stay home, watch movies, and do law instead of going shopping. It would save me money, but in the end, I realized that I needed the air and the exercise. I ended up walking around a lot, and going into quite a few stores, but only actually buying moisturizer and lipliner from one place. I will go back downtown tomorrow to get an eye shade and timer. Both things needed to help me learn to nap.

I talked in Chinese to an old woman on the bus. She was from Singapore. Talking to senior citizens has always been an occurence in my life. Speaking to the Chinese ones is relatively new development. I attract old people in public places. When I ran to catch the second bus, I was surprised how fast I was. I am not a fast runner nor will I ever be, but I felt the speed briefly. I realized that above all else, I was young. I look forward to my morning runs soon when the weather permits.

When I got back home, I washed my hair and watched A Clockwork Orange while doing some law. The movie was disturbing as the book was. It actually clarified some points of the book for me. Stanley Kubrick did a good job with the music and shots though. I thought a lot of it was rather brillantly done. Mike called me for the first time to ask me about law. If I want to wear heels for dinner Saturday, I can get a ride from him. We’ll see how cold it is. This evening, I decided to call Stephanie. The poor girl is so messed up with drama about Justin. It just reminded me how you just don’t know anyone. I worry about them both. I texted Justin during the call. He does push people away, and if he knows I worry about him, he’ll do that to me too. I guess I’ll continue to listen to what he says, and hopefully demonstrate being a good friend to him especially an emotional one. This week is reminding me about empathy and emotions. These past couple weeks has reminded me how no one really knows who I am, and I can’t seem to get everyone to see the side that I see.

I have to go back to trying to see myself.

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