I said to myself, I have things in my head that are not like what anyone has taught me — shapes and ideas so near to me — so natural to my way of being and thinking that it hasn’t occurred to me to put them down. I decided to start anew, to strip away what I had been taught.
— Georgia O’Keeffe
confluence \KON-floo-uhn(t)s\, noun:
1. A flowing or coming together; junction.
2. The place where two rivers, streams, etc. meet.
3. A flocking or assemblage of a multitude in one place; a large collection or assemblage.
Last night before bed, I had this one thought: I have hopes and dreams, but I ain’t got reality.
Well, I woke up this morning, and we had to get a cable guy to come over. I left before he got there. He said our VCR is old. I really want DVR, but I do not want us to pay so much every month for it. Anyway, it’s not a die before dad and I yell at each other. I laugh about it, but goodness, I am so scary I am aware of it. It’s very understandable why I do not know myself at all. Still, it was a beautiful spring day. I wish I took a walk to the park or something else rather than go to boring Spanish class. In Stats, at least Justin told us about going to dinner a week from Saturday with a bunch of people I like. He even made this great seating plan wherein I sit beside Nicole and Jamie. Jamie is the guy Justin hangs out with the most these days. We get along well, there’s a fast somewhat flirty rapport. I am flirty with a lot of guys though. I’ve flirted with my dentist for goodness sake’s. I feel a bit guilty about flirting with Jamie though since I do not like him romantically even though he is a really sweet guy. Flirting with Justin is alright because he is a manwhore. The plans are that we’ll be going to The Keg Steakhouse. I’ve never been, and I’ve wanted to go for a couple weeks now. I haven’t had a steak in at least a year. If I have it next week, I probably won’t eat it for another year.
It is clear to me that there is an indefinite amount of time before I am actually attracted to someone. I don’t know if I’m picky or what, but it’s not working. If anything, the guys I do become physically attracted to end up guys I really could pass over. For example, Jessie, the former mini Muse, who got such raves in October 2005, is now an aquiantance. We have a tutorial together, and I went to a bar with him and Jacob last Tuesday. He is still attractive, and I realize that it’s quite incomparable the amount of heat he produces when he leans down (tall) and looks at you with those blue eyes of his. Other than that, I’m passing. Also, this morning, I saw the blond guy who I sat on the bus with a few weeks ago whom I found attractive. I passed on him on the bus too after awhile. When I saw him today, I stand by my decision and also, he is less attractive. Though, he is tall. The only thing that seems to remain the same is the height of these guys. Hey, I hope LWI remains hot if I ever see him again. Of course he will, and he’ll get a preposition from me if I do.
I am nuts.
I feel better.