Parent Vaulting

Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
— Edgar Allan Poe, “A Dream Within A Dream”

arrant \AR-unt\, adjective:
Thoroughgoing; downright; out-and-out; confirmed; extreme; notorious.

Another day out with a friend. YJ and I met at Ikea where I got this mediocre ceramic vase. Afterwards, her mother drove us to Bayshore where we wandered for hours and ate a poor meal at Moxie’s. YJ got free dessert because it was her birthday. She was able to get a blouse at Banana Republic and Roxy flipflops from Winners. I was pressured to buy a Calvin Klein black bra. She’s going back to China next month. We may not see each other when I go back in two years.

When I came home, mom gave me trouble, and I didn’t want to do it, but I did. I got angry with her, and the argument and following discussion was long and hard. We both cried. When I visit the topic of my parents, it doesn’t make me think I’ll have a marriage as bad as theirs, but it is certainly unnerving. They are both so bad at communication, and the pain is ridiculous on both sides. Appropriately, last night I dreamt I was in a big family. I cried in my sleep because I felt neglected by my parents.

I have to volunteer tomorrow evening, but I’m taking it easy at home during the day even with my mom home.

I have to be in social situation every day for the next two weeks.

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