Lessons

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.
—Gore Vidal

Ben and Jerry’s and Haagen Daas Ice Cream were both on sale this weekend. I never dare get them while they are regular priced, but Mom bought them for me as she discovered the sale. I’ve been eating the B&J Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. It tastes so good, but right after I finish eating it, I feel so bad. It’s so ridiculously fattening, and immediately, I feel what I have done. I have gained a lot of weight this summer, but the ice cream is so good I do not care. I still have two pints of the Haagen Daas to go through. I have also had a craving for Fish and Chips since watching a Welsh chef make it on a Toronto women’s show. I haven’t had that in years. I’ve hardly had it really, but it’s bugging me to go to a pub. I also have an Irish pub in mind to go to, and I’d love to have a bottle of Carlsberg to go with it. I really do like the Carlsberg it seems. Anyway, I can’t go alone because drinking alone in public in any form will make me reflect on my life in the bad way. I have to drag someone to the pub with me. I love food

Well, at least, I ran today. I can burn all the above fat. I’ve been really lazy about running lately, but today was my first day running more than twenty minutes non stop. I am tired. My legs were tired too; my endurance has improved during the plan. I worry about my shoes more than ever so I am going to get fitted for a pair after I come back from Parry Sound. The shoes should encourage me to run more especially when school starts. I will need to keep in some sort of shape in the winter and go to the gym.

Dad and I had a really hard talk or more like, my temper got to me, and then I didn’t say anything as he told me really sad things. My parents are both so depressed sometimes. I really see where I get it. I cannot help them with it. Dad and I were fighting over my driving school certificate which he thought I lost, but I didn’t as we searched for it, but I had given him the right one. It blew over, and I am going to be insured to drive starting in September 1st. I have not driven since January which was when I passed my test. I definitely plan to get tested for the last time early next year so I can get it over with. I’ve forgotten how to park and do a three point turn. I was never good at turning in general. Heck, I’m just not a great driver, but it is necessary in this world.

Dad was right to scold me. I can be so hot headed sometimes. He’s right that my desk is a mess. I don’t really understand how I can be this messy and still be a bit type A like my mother. I looked at my dad’s desk and realized the reason. I am truly their progeny. So adding on to the growing list of things to do next week, I am going to clean my things. I have a packrat issue.

During break today, I went to the library and was surprised to see Night by Elie Weisel on hold for me. This list is quite long for it since it is on Oprah’s Book Club, but I was so pleased by it. I am taking it on my trip with me. I may not be able to read it, but I take great pleasure in knowing I’ve got it. I should, and remembered my time at Auschwitz. The longer I carry the memories, the more I realize how horrifying and deeply it affects me when I encounter things that remind me of it.

Ever since last monday when I realized some things, I have been slightly more curious and attracted to people. It’s easier than average for me to pass someone and be curious about them or even be attracted to them, including people of both sexes. I like to think this has to do with my rising self-esteem. I have also resolved, since this weekend, to forgive myself for being attracted to people who I should not be attracted to. Ever since the incident with the guy in PoliSci and the really bad crush I had in Poland, I’ve been really hard on myself about this. I realize that I become easily attracted to certain guys as is my romantic nature. I also expect too much romance or wish for it from social situations so I latch onto attractions too easily. I can’t be hard and forgive myself when this happens. In this way, I could learn to let it go and it can happen less especially now that I do seem less loneliner than I was years ago in high school.

I packed for this weekend (taking more clothes than necessary) and watched Barefoot in the Park. I did not know anything or had heard of the movie before the AFI romantic movies list. Robert Redford was adorable in it.

Need earlier sleep time.

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